im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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