I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
