i just wanna soil my oats bro
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
