Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize