just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
