Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
