I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
