I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
