If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
