Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
