He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
