Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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