if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
