She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
