I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
