And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
