...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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