I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
