I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
