I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
