you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
