Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
