"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
