Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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