My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
