he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
