respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
