i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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