dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
