Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
