good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
