he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
