Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
