He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
