my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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