just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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