You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
