oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
