what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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