even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
