had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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