another moral hangover. fuck.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
