i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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