i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
