you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize