mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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