Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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