She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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