I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
