If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
