never play flip cup with pint glasses
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
