you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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