dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
