that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
