God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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