Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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