Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
