you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
