I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
