your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
