So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
and you fell through a lawn chair
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
