If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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