So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
