I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize