Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
