Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
