dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
