god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
