I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
