you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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