As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
