I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
