Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
