dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
